everything, personal blogging, writing

One Month Ago

I wrote this draft over a month ago and decided not to publish it. Feeling somewhat better now, I have decided to share what I was feeling then.


6 April 2020.

Today’s been hard.

The world I write to you from today is very different from the world I wrote to you from less than four months ago.

We’re at a standstill. An important standstill. One that will hopefully save lives.

We’re living during a worldwide pandemic.

All of our routines are out of whack, but more than that, this virus is killing people. People we love, people close to us, people everywhere.

And while I haven’t been personally affected by the virus (hopefully I won’t be), I know several people who have been affected. Reading their experiences is heartbreaking and terrifying.

I mean, as I’m writing, reports are saying that the US total number of cases is at 347,000 and 10,000 people in the US have died. That’s just the US.

That’s terrifying.

It’s wild to think that exactly one month ago, I was in San Diego learning about how to train birds of prey, thinking about a concert I was going to that night. I was aware the virus was a thing, but it hadn’t really hit the US hard. Only a few cases had been publicized.

It took about a week after getting back for things to get serious in the US.

That was less than a month ago.

It’s wild how fast things have changed.

I’ve been in a mental spiral today that I can’t seem to shake. And because worrying about the virus isn’t enough, my brain decided that I should ALSO worry about many other pointless things in my life.

Things that, when compared with people dying, are completely meaningless.

This is what sucks about our current society.

We have people dying, but we’ve been told so many times that productivity is the most valued thing in our society that I feel guilty when I’m not being productive.

I’m going to try to not worry about using this time to be productive. If I feel productive, I’ll let it happen, but I won’t force it.

Anyway, I hope you and your loved ones are all safe and healthy.


Much love to you all.

-Stefany

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